Cats are known for their quirky, unpredictable nature. Itâs what makes us love them! But when they push your fishbowl off the counter after you refuse to give them an extra helping of wet cat food for breakfast, it can lead you to Googling âHow long does a cat hold a grudge?â
Do cats hold grudges? Or does it just seem like they do? Is something else at play when your feline friend gives you the cold shoulder? Letâs discuss!
What Is a âGrudgeâ â and Do Cats Feel It the Way Humans Do?
A grudge is when a person harbors long-term resentment, anger, or bitterness towards another person for something that they did or said in the past. A grudge relates to emotional memory, which is the idea that an event that comes with strong emotions is remembered more vividly and for longer than other memories.
Humans are capable of holding grudges, but cats, according to mental health physician assistant Joey Lusvardi, arenât. Cats donât have the sense of right and wrong that humans do which means that they canât hold grudges for wrongdoings that have been committed against them. A catâs actions and emotions are based on whatâs happening in the moment, and not on anything that made them angry a year ago.
This being said, though, cats can and do remember negative experiences. For example, if a cat grows up in a home with a toddler who likes to kick it, their long-term memory bank will retain the experience and use it to help them avoid the situation in the future. This could present as the cat running and hiding from toddlers as a means of protecting itself from harm, not out of spite or bitterness.
How Long Does a Cat Remember Negative Experiences?
If youâre wondering how long your cat remembers their ordeal at the veterinarianâs office, the answer is that it depends. Unfortunately, the length of time that your cat will remember a bad experience is dependent on a number of factors including:
Age
Natural temperament
Associations
Cats can remember things for anywhere from a few days to a number of months. Negative experiences and associations will be remembered for longer than happy experiences like back scratches. Cats who have been properly socialized typically put negative experiences to the back of their minds more easily than those who havenât had much social interaction.
Why Cats May Seem Like Theyâre Holding a Grudge
Behavior | Possible Meaning |
Avoiding you | Fear, confusion, overstimulation |
Hissing/swatting | Defensive |
Hiding after punishment | Fear-based memory |
Ignoring after loud noise | Rebuilding sense of safety |
How to Regain a Catâs Trust
If you feel like your cat is holding a grudge or is afraid of you, hope isnât lost. There are ways that you can regain their trust and restore your human-cat connection to its former glory.
Let your cat initiate contact and donât force affection
Cats that are mad (or that appear to be mad) donât typically want to be bothered. In many cases, angry cats will spend a lot of time hiding from you. When they do, let them be. Avoid chasing them down, dragging them out of the closet, and giving them a big hug or otherwise forcing your affections on them.
Instead of making them feel warm and fuzzy, youâll only stress them out, making the lack of trust problem worse.
Let them come to you -- and when they do, be willing to hand out a good back scratch or tasty treat.
Use treats, play, and positive reinforcement to rebuild connection
Treats, play, and positive reinforcement can do wonders for helping you re-establish a healthy connection with your cat. Once your cat has come out of hiding and is open to being around you, you can start offering tasty treats and play sessions.
Be mindful, though, that your cat could still be skittish and unsure, so big, sudden movements could scare them back into hiding. The same can be said for loud voices and high levels of excitement.
Use a soft, soothing voice and avoid overwhelming stimuli.
Keep routines consistent and calm
Like children, pets do well with routines. Establish a routine with your pet that is easy for you to maintain long term. For example, create a morning routine that involves you rolling out of bed, putting your slippers on, and then feeding the cat. Your cat will get used to the routine and be waiting at their food bowl or by your bedside, expecting the daily routine before long.
A consistent routine, according to Prana Pets and Dr. Andrew Turkell DVM, helps pets to feel more relaxed. Naturally, this reduces stress and aids in better overall health.
Providing hiding spots for security
If your cat does feel the need to hide, be sure that there are safe places for them to do so. Tall cat trees and cat houses can be used for this purpose. But if you donât have room in your home or your cat doesnât use their trees (that you spent your hard-earned money on!), spaces like closets, under beds, and behind the couch or TV will work well, too.
Wherever they decide to hide, do your best to leave them undisturbed until they come out on their own terms. Donât worry -- if they get hungry or need a drink, they will come out.
What Not to Do If Your Cat Seems Upset With You
During the relationship rebuilding stage of your human-cat relationship, avoid punishing or yelling at your cat. Donât chase them, corner them, or âgive them a smackâ for being on the counter.
Try to keep your home and environment calm, quiet, and free of sudden loud noises and big changes.
Conclusion: Cats Donât Hold Grudges â But They Do Remember
Cats are very much a big part of our human families, but unlike us, they arenât petty. Their bad behaviors and âattitudesâ are a method of self-preservation and protection.
They donât scratch you to get back at you for not letting them be on the counter-- they scratch you because your scolding scared them, or because you surprised them when you suddenly picked them up.
So, how long does a cat hold a grudge?
They donât.
But if you're going through a difficult time with your cat, hang in there because rebuilding trust with your feline friend can take time. It also requires patience and dedication, since cats are known to be stubborn and strong-willed. Remember to always respect their boundaries and not push them into a close relationship with you before theyâre ready.
Most cats will eventually forgive and re-enter a loving relationship with their humans.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do cats forgive their owners?
Yes! Most of the time, when given enough space, patience, and love, a scorned cat will forgive their owners.
Do cats remember when you yell at them?
A cats memory doesnât work the same ways ours does. Your cat will likely only remember you yelling at them for a short time.
How do I know if my cat is mad at me?
Youâll know that your cat is mad at you if they start to hide from you, if they leave the room when you come in, or if they display defensive behaviors such as arching their backs or puffing their tails. They might also growl, hiss, or swat at you.
Do cats hold grudges against other pets?
Nope. Cats canât hold grudges against people and they canât hold them against other pets, either.
Why is my cat mad at me?
Cats can seem to be mad at you for a number of reasons. This includes stress and health issues.
